textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
