just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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