Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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