Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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