remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
