In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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