just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
