chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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