Sry I called you an 8
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
