Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
