the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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