You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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