Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
