Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
