i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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