We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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