we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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