the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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