If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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