She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
