Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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