I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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