i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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