Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
