i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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