i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
