is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
