So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
