accomplished twins. life is a go
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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