just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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