so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We had to coat check the pizza.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
