I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
