When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
