Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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