somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
