one might say we're banned from that church
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
