Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
