I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
