he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
