im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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