dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
