Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
