I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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