I could make wine with my vomit
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
