They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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