Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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