At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
