Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
