i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
