no, he came in my armpit
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
