dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
