Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
