I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
